I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
