she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
