i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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