if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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