holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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