her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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