marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
