ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
zippers are such a cool invention
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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