He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
