first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
