: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
