I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
