Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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