Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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