she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
