yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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