i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
