he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had sex on a dog bed..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
