My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
