so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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