i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
