first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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