I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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