I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
