He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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