Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
