remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
