ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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