(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
