You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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