Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
