I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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