yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone shattered a urinal.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
