after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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