Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
