I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I looked at my own cervix.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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