Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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