tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
