Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
