this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
