I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you would pick up someone in the library
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
