Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
