i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
