She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
