arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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