Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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