dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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