i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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