I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
