He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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