I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
