I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
