True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
