I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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